Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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