I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
