adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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