dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
