like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
