I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
