an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
