im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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