Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
