Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
