but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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