Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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