u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
