My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
That's how pantless uber rides happen
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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