ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
