So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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