therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
