i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
