He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
