she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
