He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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