there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
