I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
