You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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