I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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