walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
