Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I could fuck to npr.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
