guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
