Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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