I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
