i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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