Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
