I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
