Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
