Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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