dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
