New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
dude. I can hear the air.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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