He had one of those small greek statue penises
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
