I heard we made out
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
