I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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