we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
