I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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