I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
