I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
