watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
