I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
