I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
