my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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