Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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