I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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