She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
