I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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