I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
