remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
